Dear Amy,
Woooaaaaa. Last night I did some deep deep work. This is it for me, this self worth stuff, it’s probably where most of my work needs to be done. I feel like all of my negative patterns, habbits, come from this place. It was really painful. I was able to feel the hereditary aspect of it and worked with my mother for a while, then so many memories came up. This work is so amazing. Then later Miles and his friend came home and they wanted me to join them in playing music. I tried and couldn’t, and then a whole other set of things came up around music and my dad. I see how deep this is in me and am so much more aware of how it has affected me. It’s hard for me to sit up straight when I’m feeling it. It feels so real to be in this place, but I want it to be over. I feel so vulnerable, like I’m in crisis. it’s hard to ignore now though, and I don’t want to. I know that in doing the work I will set myself free of living in my habitual self sabotaging
patterns. Thank you Amy*xoxox
***Amazing how our deepest fears will be made manifest and come to the surface as we become more and more increasingly aware of them. It has always been working this way – we’re just acutely aware of it now.
The part of us that is in crisis cries to be heard and healed. It longs to be freed, completed to rejoin the wholeness it truly never left. This is the struggle and challenge we experience… listening and letting go to the inner demand and facing the pain – or continuing to suppress it and living in a pseudo state of “happiness”…. that which compromises and undermines our self esteem (connection to God). Being willing, utterly fearless in the face of fear, to dig into ourselves, to go the distance when we feel like running, to continue to allow the melt down of who we think we are (the pain) to die, ah, this is where we experience deep release that allows us to truly heal – and know confidence (God). Who’s really willing to go this deep and not take the collective burden/blessings personally? Who’s really willing to give up the separate sense of self and discover what borders on the brink of what could be perceived as insanity? Yes, its much to ask – yet what’s the option? Living in the hunched over slump of self pity and defeatism? Nay…. let us come together and share what we each must face if we are sincere about evolving, let us continue to dialogue and create understanding – and reach ever so deep inside to the place and state that is undisturbed. It’s there – are we meeting and matching it, rising up and reaching out? The option is an option always, yet is it really?
Good work darlin, keep consistent with it – this is the key. Let us remain so humble, tender and ginger with our collective task. And let us remain relentless in representing Truth.
Big hug and much love, Amy
